Claires 2007 Diary

MAY
On the 6th of May 2007 I was competing at Osberton Horse Trials in Nottinghamshire. I had two horses running, both bred and owned by Jill Burke (a fantasic owner and friend). The day started off with the lorry breaking down but unfortunately it was fixed and we continued our journey to Osberton. The organisers were great and slotted me in to both sections without a problem. Maddy, my novice ride put in another good performance to finish 2nd. My other ride was Rolled Oats (Roland) in the intermediate, he is an experienced horse with a clear at 3 star level under his belt. Both Roland and I were familar with the course here and had jumped double clears around here the past two years.

Roland set off xc in his usual keen manner and was giving me a good easy ride, then something happened that would affect my life drastically. After fence 18, a trakehner in a woodland the track split in two, Roland and I had a misunderstanding of which direction we should go in. He clipped his shoulder on the tree and fired me into it. Instantly I knew this was serious. I always get up after a fall, even when I broke my pelvis I jumped up... this was different, I simply couldn't.

Everyone at Osberton were brilliant and I was airlifted to the Queen Medical Centre in Nottingham.

Roland is my favourite horse in the world, he is massive (17.2hh) but just so gentle. His bottom lip is always dropped a couple of inches when he is in the stable or field and there is not a chance of walking past him without giving him a little snog! He would be mortified if he understood what happened this day. It wasn't Roland's fault, just a freak accident.

I was diagnosed to have a fractured to the neck (C7), back (T6/7) and ribs plus a collapsed lung. The fracture to the back resulted in spinal cord injury, my worst nightmare! I had an eight hour operation that night, which I think felt like forever for Mum and Dad who were waiting in a little cold room at the hospital, not so bad for me who was fast asleep! The surgeon was happy with how the operation went but explained how it is highly unlikely that I shall ever walk again.

Within the next couple of days my temperature increased, I was getting an infection now. I got pneumonia. I was struggling to breath and couldn't stand the mask on my face. I ended up having to be on a ventilator and was in intensive care for 10 days. I have vivid memories of the awful nightmares and hallucinations I kept having, due to all the drugs, I was scared to close my eyes. The nurses were amazing in the ITU, and I had a physio once a day. I was feeling like shit and couldn't speak because of the the trachy but when this gorgeous, and I mean GORGEOUS , physio walked in to rub my chest I felt 100% better!! It was a shame I looked like I had been hit in the face several times, was bloated, couldn't speak and was watching postman pat.

I only had my family and boyfriend visit me here as I was too ill. I woke up one morning at 4.45 and thought it was the afternoon. I asked the nurse to ring my mother and see if she is going to bother visiting me, she told me they would all be asleep and she had been with me all day, I don't remember at all!

I was then transferred to the Northern General Hospital (spinal unit) in Sheffield. I was lucky on the day I arrived as the two nurses which were my favourites, Katie and Mandy moo were on so they made the transfer slightly easier. It was very different to ITU and it took some getting use to. I had got to know some of the nurses at Queens and was sad to leave them. I did like the fact that I could have my phone back though, and they put a cap on my trachy so I had a kind of voice so I instantly rang my slightly mad but fantastic friend Selena, it was great to chat to all my friends. I was soon weaned off the ventilator which was a relief.

I spent the next two weeks on bed rest, still feeling like I was sat on Roland. Even when my legs were straight they felt bent. That was because it was the last position my brain remembered. I found it rather irritating. During that couple of weeks I could sit up to 30 degrees at times and gradually more to get me use to it again. Every Monday I had the pleasure of the doctors, physios, OTs and nurses coming in, drawing the curtains and sticking pins in me to see what I couldn't feel. I hated it.

The cards and e mails I received were lovely, I must have 400 or so in total. I started to see friends and had a diary where I would book them in for a visit! This made such a huge difference to me, and I am so grateful to them all. I never went a day without two lots of visitors. One roudy lot brought me some elephant balloons, they ended up virtually chucked out after giving the staff heart attacks from bursting them (got carried away blowing them up!) One even exploded in the night, I was not popular!

I was quite shocked to learn that Bob (one of my horses) was already in Jeanette Brakewell's yard.

The mornings were tough, after eventually getting to sleep and then being moved every four hours to prevent sores, I would wake up after dreaming all the normal things from eventing to socalising etc etc to find I couldn't move or feel up to my chest.

I had about survived May and was close to getting out of bed... I was so looking forward to that!

JUNE
My brother brought my something that made a lot of difference to my time in hospital, it was my laptop. I spent lots of time on this and messaging my friends on facebook.

Early in June I was told I could get out of bed, how exciting! I didn't quite realise what an awful experience it was going to be. I had an ugly brace on to support my body and I had to be hoisted from the bed to the chair, which is not that great but the real crap bit comes when I was in the chair. It didn't take long before I threw up. Most people either pass out or puke when first getting used to the chair. It is to do with blood pressure as my body was used to being laid down for the past month. I felt worse than I had done for the whole month, it was like severe travel sickness. Although I wanted to get up desperately, once you are up the bed look very appealing! I stuck it out, each day increasing the amount of time I could stand it for. Also my neck ached as it hadn't carried my head for a month.

I was sick everyday for ten horrid days, gradually it got better. I hated it if my friends arrived when I was in the chair as I just did not feel well enough to chat yet I really wanted to. Mum and Dad were great visiting every day, Tim (my boyfriend) came two or three times a week and i really looked forward to that.

I felt very touched by the effort everyone went to to come to see me. Some friends including Helen Cole, Selena Farmer, Lucinda and Lissa Green travelled up to 10 hours in a day to spend a few hours by my bed. I got enough magazines and food to open a shop!

I made a few friends, one being Martin who I shall never forget. Martin was in Sheffield a year, and used to call into my bay to chat. and steal my food, he fancied all my friends and offered me cocaine!!! (turned out it was icing sugar!)

I started my physio and occupational therapy sessions. I went on the tilt table(to get me use to being upright), used weights, worked on balance, and learnt my tranfers using a wooden board which I varnished myself!! I had certain tasks I had to do to so I could go home for the weekend, and this stage that was my main aim!

The last weekend in June was my first trip home. I managed to persuade them at Sheffield that I was up to it. I wanted to stay the whole weekend and knew I would cope just fine but they said I had to come back. Sue (my Auntie) picked me up, and we headed back to Leicestershire- a journey she could do with her eyes closed by now.

It was lovely to be back and one of the first things I did was go into the field to see my best friend Roland. He came straight over and put his head on my lap, I think he wondered where I had been for the past few weeks. It was great to see some fields and countryside again. I had lunch up at our restaurant ( www.eyekettlebylakes.com ) a real novelty after being in hospital! Tim joined us there. Mum and Dad took me back, I felt sad leaving Tim and home but before I had arrived back to the prison I has planned my escape for the next day. My best friend Shane, and I loved him even more when he agreed to pick me up the next morning and bring me home.

JULY
I have never been so in contact with so many of my friends, one thing I have enjoyed is catching up with everyone. Still had visitors every day. Poor Selena, everytime she seemed to visit I had moved bay and she got the job of sticking my cards to the wall! Since my fall in may it had rained and rained, July was particulary bad. Sheffield was flooded, it was so bad that Mum was sat in the car for about 6 hours and never made it, Sheffield was grid locked, it really didn't look possible that anyone could get here. The nurses even had to stay at the hospital and others couldn't get in to work.

I was on my laptop e mailing someone and I heard this...'hellooo..hellooo'. I turned around and was delighted but a little suprised to see Lucinda Green. She looked soaked, and how the hell had she made it when no one else could!! I think she had parked somewhere in Sheffield and walked it! Might have known if anyone could make it she would! It was lovely on what I thought was going to be a really lonely day, turned out to whizz by listening to some of Lucinda's funny and interesting stories. She has helped me for years now on my horses, and her xc clinics are just the best.One thing I shall really miss in February, but one day i shall suprise her and be there!

The first weekend in July I planned to stay at home from the Friday to the Sunday night. I had been fine the weekend before and I had been invited to a 90th party!! Mr Holmes had owned the mare Roland was out of and we had always let him know how things were going. I am very fond of him and really wanted to be there. I had not really checked with the doctors but was definately going to go. Julie, who I sold a horse to kindly offered to pick me up. She arrived and I was about to go then the doctor wanted a word! He said 'I believe you think you are going?' I explained how I coped perfectly well last week and I would be fine. He said people don't go this early... i thought 'this person does...bye!' He was worried that emotionally I couldn't cope, I was worried emotionally I couldn't cope staying there. I felt like I was being naughty at school again! He agreed to let me out for one night, I returned on the Monday morning in time for physio.

I went to Mr Holmes party and found it a bit overwhelming but it was lovely to see him, then I had a hog roast to go to at the restaurant which was quite good.

I did not have as much physio as i would have liked, from Tues lunch until Thursday didn't have anything to do at all. I soon started going home tuesday and coming back Wednesday evening and then home on Friday to Monday morning. Henry has been an amazing friend through all this crap, though I was going off him as he seemed to always be taking me back to Sheffield!!

I decided I could do more at home than I was doing there, so mid July I decided to discharge myself. It was a very tiring day having to listen to the doctors, physios and nurses to why I shouldn't leave.
But there was no stopping me!

I went to watch the show jumping at Weston Lawns and saw Sarah Cohen there. Jill and I discussed what we would like to do with Maddy and Sarah would me my first choice of rider for her so we had a chat and she is going to have Maddy and do a couple of events at the end of the season.

AUGUST
Early in August Mum, Dad, Tim and I set off to California to project walk ( www.projectwalk.org ) Basically it is a physio centre which a lot of equipment and they really push you. I did three hours a day in there without a break, serious hard work. They videoed it and gave me a home program. I went on gait training machines, bikes, standing bars, total gym and a lot of work on balance. They really believe recovery is possible and in the gym I saw some clients taking their first steps. It was a totally different attitude to what I had been used to.
The website is excellent and explains what they do in detail.

The weather was perfect and the shopping pretty good too!

It was very tiring and the journey exhausted me too. When I got back I felt very depressed for a few days, I slept a lot and gradually started to feel better.

My boyfriend had the perfect horse for me to get back riding. She is called Queenie and is a chunky piebald with gorgeous feathers and a mass of mane! She arrived with an australian stock saddle, ideal for me to start in. Then we had to decide how i would get on her... I was pushed up the lorry ramp, then the ramp was put on a pallet, Tim got on the ramp and chucked me onto Queenie.
I do not enjoy it but think it is brilliant therapy for me. How am I expected to enjoy walking up and down the drive? This time last year I was heading for Burghley and now I am back to the very beginning, not exactly exciting!

I have two excellent physios working with me at home. I am very lucky to have found two such ethusiastic physios and they push me on each week. I have also bought a total gym and bike. Mark Davies injured riders fund are kindly funding my physio which is a massive help.

I went to a couple of events to watch my young horses compete. Lost and found was with lucy henton and Divis with Helen Cole. It was not easy watching but both of them were great.Lucy and Helen did a brilliant job with them.

I was dreading the first week of September as it was Burghley.

SEPT

I had been dreading Burghley horse trials for a long time, how could I deal with this one? Knowing I would have been there competing on Bob but instead I was to sit there in the tent watching horse after horse wishing it was me, it was never going to be easy. The other option of not going didn't appeal either though. Lucinda had been so thoughtful yet again and asked for all the passes possible for me, and Burghley organisers were incrediably generous. Also Stuart Buntine kindly drove me round the xc course on the friday evening.

I went to the party there on the Thursday evening, it was lovely to catch up with a lot of friends I had not seen for a while. I did find the whole thing a struggle but again my fantastic friends helped me through it. I was pleased to see William Fox-Pitt win yet another three day this year!

Straight after Burghley I had the company of Lissa Green, which was the perfect remedy to get over the previous week. There is never a dull moment with Lis, even when I am feeling very low she has the ability to make me laugh!
I received an e mail from Rachel Robinson, a friend I met on a Lucinda clinic and was parked next to me at Osberton. She was offering to fund raise for me to help me continue my rehab and get the equipment I need. She came up with the idea of the semi naked event riders calendar. This gave Lis and I even more fun....who would we ask to get their kit off!? Who would be up for it? Lis and I were instantly texting friends and asking them if they would do it. My friend, Selena was on a mission at Blenhiem and asked several riders there. We had a mixed response, some were not keen, others were persuaded and some were begging to feature in the calendar.
Rachel and Lucy were doing great job of getting sponsors. I couldn't believe it when I heard that SR communications offered to do all the printing and posting, and the photographers Kit Houghton and Dave Hughes offered their services too, people have been so kind to me, I am touched by this, and due to everyone's help, one day I shall walk.

Although planning this took up most the week, Lis did have to do a bit of work and ride my horses as she was entered at Winkburn horse trials at the end of the week.

Lis hadn't brought her riding clothes with her and had to wear all my things, including my xc colours. It felt really strange. Anyway she did a really good job. And I got good viewing as Lucinda pushed me right into the sj collecting ring next to the practice fence, then drove me around the xc!

I had a meeting with Mark Davies injured Riders fund and they are paying for my next 3 months of physio, I am very grateful for their help, as the physio is a huge benefit as they push me on.

My horses were competing at Brooksby Horse Trials with my friend,Helen Cole. I took Queenie along so I could watch off her. It was great to not look up at everyone, also little Queenie enjoyed her outing and got a bit lit up when i hacked to the xc start, she was snorting and started bouncing,to my despair we were heading towards a tree!! We took her back to the quiet area! My boys looked great and I was very jealous! I was on Queenie for 4 hours, and no accidents. The scary part came when Sue was pushing me over the bumps in the gate way, she tripped and pulled the chair on top of her. How embarrassing! We were stuck as I was squashing her but then Mum got me off and Sue was released!